The Queer Canon of Keanu

Queering the movies of Keanu Reeves
(A classic lesbian icon)

Are you weary of the vale of tears and lack of substantial ass-kicking action in your lesbian movies? Who isn’t? But never fear! Now the oeuvre of Keanu Reeves can be easily reinterpreted for a queer audience.

I’ve created a handy rating system to guide you.

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Queer canon of Keanu Queering the movies of Keanu Reeves (A classic lesbian icon) Are you weary of the vale of tears and lack of substantial ass-kicking action in your lesbian movies? Who isn’t? But never fear! Now the oeuvre of Keanu Reeves can be easily reinterpreted for a queer audience. By Janine Shroff The Matrix Genderfluid andro power couple Neo and Trinity along with homosexual elder Morpheus try to save the world by making them 'woke'. Morpheus’s self-hating ex with deep internalised homophobia tries to sabotage gay utopian hidey-hole. a Walk in the clouds Abandoned bisexual single mom meets sensitive, damaged butch. Parents initially opposed but come around because butch is pretty handy with tools and farming. They live on a organic vineyard, harvesting wine while co-parenting random dude’s child. John Wick Homophobes kill quiet but sensitive butch's beloved pet and butch gets total revenge. Moral of the story: Don’t hurt animals. Only sad part is the dog dying. Speed Lesbian road trip. Similar amount of screaming and unnecessary speeding involved. The Devils Advocate Impressionable closeted lesbian is led astray by the Demon of heteronormativity, who tries to convince her that having a baby is the path to self-fulfillment. But lesbian has miraculous last minute escape from awful fate of having a baby. It's a gay parable and grim warning.  Bram Stoker’s Dracula Visit to East European pansexual sex dungeon goes horribly wrong and fiancé is subsequently unfaithful. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure Two just ‘out’ baby gays, attempt to discover the magical gay scene but are constantly having to navigate straight hurdles. They are assisted by an older queer who tries to guide and mentor them through the gay scene. Constantine Beautiful nuns, repressed Catholic’s, inner demons, deviant priests and gender-fluid angels. Does it even need an explanation? (Or it’s just regular Catholicism, but either way, well gay.) Little Buddha Queer abandons heteronormative life, wife and child to be completely vegan and self-sustaining. Point Break Lesbian couple have seriously bad breakup. All friend groups are involved. Very messy. 

See my previous movie rating guide poster guide here