Quality Art Waffle: My (fake) Artist Bio

For my birthday a friend wrote me this AMAZING academic style bio. (Academic yet humorous)

Naturally, this cannot fail to please even the most humble of egos. And my ego blossomed delightfully reading it.

I really can’t write my own: I don’t have the required academic wank in me to do it convincingly.

Besides that, my opinion is that all artist wank reads like insecurity. I always suspect that the writer feels the need to disguise real motive and agenda (or lack thereof) in a waffling wave of academic rubbish.

As part of a trade bargain for producing such academia for me the friend will get a portrait (click here).

Additionally as soon as said friend is done with their torturous PhD I’m going to convince her to write a piece of erotic fiction in a similar style of academic gibberish that I will then illustrate.

I don’t know who’d be interested in reading my fake artist bio but it must be posted! It’s quite excellent.

The Oevre of Janine Shroff – Click here to view PDF (or read text below)

The Oevre of Janine Shroff:

The Oeuvre of Janine Shroff

Dr. Anokhi Parikh

Born in a “small tin shack in Juhu”1 to artist parents and trained in the lesser-known

Jamnabai School of thought, Shroff is a minority artist of immeasurable talent. Her

adolescent experiences of being forcefully ensconced on the beach by the heterosexual

Hindu male body, the formative National Institute of Design rejection, as well as the

reductive educational milieu forced upon her in her school art class, have shaped her

Parsi-lesbian artistic practice.

Her work seeks to foreground what she calls the besharam. The formation of her own

subjectivity can be seen through the lense of the besharam – the drawing of nudes, sex and

animal-human hybrids, reify her “discomfort” with her own body. Through her ongoing

obsession with the alien persona of Tilda Swinton as well as her bird-people, she pushes

the boundaries of what is human, and what is animal. In that sense, her work can be

called autobiographical. Her illustrations explore the relationship between synaesthesia

and bodily cultures. With influences as diverse as E-News and This American Life, they

capture the new tensions distilled from both opaque and transparent discourses of pop


Shroff’s highly vivid work on the relationship between patriarchal transport practices and

the eroticization of the violent everyday is a masterpiece of enigmatic exactness. In the

Rape Rick (Figure 1.1), she shows how everyday forms of mobility intersect with

subjective paranoia transmitted along lines of kinship: i.e. from mother to daughter.

Through the garish colours and bodily objects, the work is a problematisation of the

relationship between the ideology of feminist protectionism and the expression of

sexualised corporeality. However, careful dissection of the relationship between the

“divisibility of communicative interaction and the systemization of the gaze suffers from

its artist’s almost complete ignorance of the Frankfurt school.”2 Her most incisive

critiques of gender and the performance of feminism can be read in her phantom journal

‘Habits and Hijabs’.

Screen Shot 2014-12-26 at 15.49.56

Figure 1.1: Rape Rick

1 Kale, A. 2014. Interview: Janine Shroff. Astray http://astray.in/interviews/janine-shroff

2 University of Chicago. 2014. http://writing-program.uchicago.edu/toys/randomsentence/

Janine occupies a particular kind of spatial habitus. Frequented by Lesbians and Leo, it is

a space within which she exerts cultural capital as well as symbolic power. It is a virtual

space, dominated by social media and a multitude of irreverent blogs, one where “crotch

shots” and “vagina posts” are uploaded with alarming alacrity. It is through the

production of this space, that Janine most firmly asserts herself and her politics. In this

space Shroff demonstrates her fundamental and violent opposition to the global problem

of the ‘culture of breeding’. This is further elaborated in her dystopian work, The Breeders

(Figure 1.2). Here, the juxtaposition of the industrial factory and domestic body, creates a

simulacra of body as a baby-producing machine and engenders disgust from the viewer.

It is precisely this heteronormative gaze that the piece challenges through a semiotic

rejection of the child-producing normative ideal.

Screen Shot 2014-12-26 at 15.50.19

Figure 1.2: The Breeders

Shroff’s work has been well received in both the mainstream and the fringes of the art

world. Scholars and critics have referred to her work as “’disturbing,” “arresting,”

“surrealistic and fantastic”. Her work can be found for viewing at

http://www.janineshroff.co.uk and for adornment at Kulture Shop, Bandra and Society 6.


Arty Bollocks generator, 2014. http://www.artybollocks.com/

Kale, A. 2014. Interview: Janine Shroff. Astray http://astray.in/interviews/janine-shroff

Shroff, J. 2013. http://www.janineshroff.co.uk

Shroff, J. 2016 (forthcoming). Habits and Hijabs.

Shroff J. 2014. Facebook Profile

University of Chicago. 2014. http://writing-program.uchicago.edu/toys/randomsentence/

Need some waffle of your own? Some Arty Bollocks Generators of Note:

1. http://www.artybollocks.com/

2. http://www.500letters.org/form_15.php


  1. You could print this verbatim and they’d just eat it up. Then smile with half closed eyes. Await applause.

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