Long-Time No Spam

Ah it’s been so long since I had good Spam.

(Unrelated featured image from an old sketchbook. It’s a found bit of card for spiritual ‘healers’ that were scattered all over Brixton at one point. I had a collection)


– Oh my

Pardon me for Contacting You Through this media. But please I am in Desperate Need of your assistance; My Name is YAMATTY SIBAYAN the wife of Mr. MATALAM SIBAYAN Mayor of Rizal in Cagayan Province. Who Was recently in the Philippine Killed by Gunmen on JUNE 12TH 2014.


– My deepest condolences for the death of your fake husband.

Well Threat During the late husband on my life ,He gave me the total sum of U.S. $ 5,500.000 (Five million Five hundred Thousand united states dollars) and asks me to put it in a metallic box .

– Well threat indeed. But I’m glad she spelled out the amount for me. I was almost going to start counting the zeros on one hand

Then deposit it in a security and finance company abroad just in case anything ever Happen to him .

– I’m glad she already mentioned he was dead or I’d start to get an ominous premonition right about now that our Dear dear Mr. SIBAYAN is bound have an unfortunate accident

I did deposit the total sum as He gave it to me under a secret arrangement as a family valuable.

– What a good wife.

This Means That the security company does Not Know the content of this metallic box.

– Sure, reliable security companies never ask you to disclose the contents of mysterious metal boxes. Or require insurance papers filled.

Since the death of my late husband , the Philippine state government has blocked me and my late husband accounts Through the help of my late husband family. Also my late husband brothers succeeded in Collecting Have All Our properties from me That is under my control and They Are Still looking for more.

– Those villains!

Therefore I am Contacting you to help me secure the sum Which I Explain to you above , for the future of my kids. Since my late husband family made it impossible for me to move out of my late husband in Philippine house

– Those late villains!

Please do tell me if I can trust you as Who Will Not sit on this money When You Claim it.

– But I do enjoy sitting on money. I like it when the notes and coins get faintly warm and sweaty.

I am willing to Give you 20% of the total sum in box After That You Have successfully secured it. Reasons for safety so That I can come over to meet you there in your country for you to help me invest the money in a good business

– Wait, I thought your villainous in-laws had you under lockdown? Are you planning on escaping and if so what is your plan? I feel like you might be underestimating their  villainy.

Also I don’t know anything about business. I just like to sit on money.

i will like to hear from you so that i will Immediately know if i can trust you with all my heart and if you are capable so that i Can send you my pictures

– I hope these pictures are nudes

and my international passport and all the documents so That You Will Better Understand and I will wait your message on my private Best regards

– if you are sending nudes I sinceriously (sincere + seriously) hope they include your privates lady.


Published by Janine Shroff

Designer & Illustrator based in London. I specialise in UI/UX, branding, hand-drawn illustration & painting.

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